We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize
