But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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