We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
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What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
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Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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