addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
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