omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
