dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
Randomize
