Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
