I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
