Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Randomize
