he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
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I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
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I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
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