I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
Pants 0. Shit 1.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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