Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
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