i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
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