if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Randomize
