Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
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that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
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Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
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