im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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