we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
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second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
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