I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Randomize
