Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
Randomize
