Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Randomize
