My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Randomize
