Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
God gave him joint rollers for hands
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
