Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
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