she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
I wish I could teleport
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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