Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
