some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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