How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
