I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Randomize
