hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
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