As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
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