i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Randomize
