you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
Randomize
