Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
