Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Randomize
