Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
I can't put those talents on a resume
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
Randomize
