i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize
