Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
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