Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
