i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
Randomize
