so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
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