from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
