dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
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