i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
