my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
