I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
Your mouth is God's brothel.
Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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