fuck your aforementioned shoe
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Randomize
