is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
