And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
Randomize