Hey man sorry I got all grabby
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
Randomize
