you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
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