I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
That was before I lit my hair on fire
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
