Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
