I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Randomize
