i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
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She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
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No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
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