Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
Randomize
