just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
This baby is an asshole
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Randomize
