The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
Randomize
