You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
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